watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
