I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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