I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
