So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
