I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
