Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
