i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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