I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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