He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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