my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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