He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
