ugly people sure do ruin things
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
