Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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