I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
