We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
