Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize