how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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