I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
