Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Still dying that you shit outside
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
