Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize