No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
