We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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