Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
