This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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