Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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