I wish I could punch you in the face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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