yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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