He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
