I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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