we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
