Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize