Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
