This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
