Welp...herpes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
