its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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