I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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