I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
