1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
