I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
