Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
