i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
