Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
