How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
