I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
