at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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