Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
