Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
