so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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