# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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