I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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