Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
