Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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