would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
