you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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