I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
