All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
