i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want to be your penis for a week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
