Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
as a side note pls kill me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
