yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize