I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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