"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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