I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
