he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
