I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
