I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
