singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
