I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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